"The Drapetomania EP"
working title - alt title "Escapee EP"
Concept:
songs written and performed by a
human trafficking survivor
while still escaping trafficking
Genres:
singer/songwriter, americana, rock (flexible, open to suggestion)
I have 30+ unreleased songs in this theme, mostly songwriter demos recorded on my phone within minutes of creation. Some are explicitly about the complex and multifaceted experience of being trafficked as a woman in America in the 21st century, others are richer for the context. Most survivors of this crime are either unable to tell their stories or rendered voiceless by corrupt systems. I believe that what I have to offer as a musical storyteller is relevant and powerful in these troubled times.​​
I imagine this EP as intimate and visceral - sonically and emotionally honest.
Acoustic Song Pool:
I know myself to be good at writing songs but bad at picking which ones people will like. I would love to jump straight to an LP, but a sparsely yet tastefully arranged acoustic EP woud be a great place to start.
Core Song Picks:
Feel Good/Uptempo examples:
Ballads/Down-Mid Tempo examples
back story
I am a survivor of abduction into human trafficking when I was 23 years old. I was subdued without my knowledge by drugs for years and exploited for labor, sex, and my reproductive abilities.
When I was taken, I had a promising future, freshly graduated with honors from the University of California and beginning a promising career in the music industry. In 2016, after five years of drugging, abuse, and manipulation in Los Angeles and Las Vegas, I managed to physically escape, but the trafficker maintained control over me through our daughter, conceived in rape in 2013. In 2020, after years of rationalization and working to free my daughter, I finally went to child services for help. Child services directly threatened me multiple times against speaking up about my concerns for abuse against my daughter, including trafficking. Law enforcement investigations all ended as soon as child services informed investigators that the matter was “just a custody dispute.” Nonetheless, in 2022 I secured sole legal custody, but the man who trafficked me still has joint physical custody of the child I conceived in rape. Today, I am still fighting for our freedom through the court system while in services for trafficking survivors; my special needs daughter is forced to spend time alone with a people thief most weekends.
Although I spent about 5 years in captivity, it took me years to understand what happened to me, or what it's called - many of the songs were written before I learned the term is "human trafficking." My story exists at the messy intersection of trafficking, stolen brides, and domestic violence. The saddest thing about my story is how far from unique it is. This isn't just about handwringing evil villains who seek to control and exploit vulnerable people. It's about the culture and systems that actively enable them. It's about how a fancy new term, human trafficking, blurs the lines of an ancient, barbaric practice. It's about the victims who are rarely perfect enough to get justice.
I hope the music made during this time will comfort other survivors and help build a path towards change by humanizing a profoundly dehumanizing experience. Most of all, I hope that all I learned in darkness will help bring light to others. ​
lyrics
The Captive
Through the desert, dusk was falling
as his teeth gnashed the twilight.
She remained unmoved,
no grimace for his delight.
Not a tear the feed his pleasure
though her back was torn to bleeding,
she was done with all that,
and he trembled at her becoming.
She slipped her ropes while they were sleeping,
took one horse and freed the rest,
then she rode for broke
following the stars west.
Dawn broke without mercy.
Still she rode on through the sand
til the horse collapsed
then she crawled on her hands
When they found me the next day
I was half buried and half dead
But so full of lust
to collect my captors’ heads.
So I rode back out to the desert,
And I found my captors crying,
parched with lethal thirst,
just to watch them die.
To those who steal people,
who torture without shame,
if it were up to me
you’d all die the same.
liberation itch
The worst years of my life were the best of yours.
It’s not new I’ve heard it before.
Yet every time goddamn it can’t help it
it still hurts just a little more.
Strap me in and you hold me down,
all the mercy of a murderous clown.
Take your medicine, take it, bitch,
to kill the liberation itch.
None of that was true, all of that was lies -
you mimic what should be my replies.
Didn’t know drapetomania is still in the DSM-5.
Strap me in and you hold me down,
all the mercy of a murderous clown.
Take your medicine, take it, bitch,
to kill the liberation itch.
They changed the name
but they didn’t change the game.
How many more of us will you treat the same?
For daring to believe our babies should live free,
safe and unexploited - or you better kill me.
​
Strap me in and you hold me down,
all the mercy of a murderous clown.
Take your medicine, take it, bitch,
to kill the liberation itch.
The Monster
The monster is awake.
I hear thinking of me.
The monster’s here to take
all she can shake off of me.
​
I hear the monster’s feet on the floor.
Today will bring her to my door.
The monster likes to catch me out,
catch me saying what I’m really thinking about.
​
The monster’s tryna hang me dry,
take my baby, make her cry.
It never is a good day to die
cuz I can’t let the monsters have their way.
​
The monster’s on the move.
I feel her going through her day.
The monster’s in her groove,
destroying families on the way.
​
The monster was a person but no more.
A wicked mechanism took her o'er.
Now she feeds on babies and mothers,
the very same ones she once came to save.
​
The monster’s tryna hang me dry,
take my baby, make her cry.
It never is a good day to die
cuz I can’t let the monsters have their way.
​
Are you the monster,
are you the monster,
are you the monster?
Am I the monster,
am I the monster,
am I the monster?
Are we the monster,
are we the monster,
are we the monster?
Are monsters just our breed?
is there not enough monster in me?
​
The monster’s tryna hang me dry,
take my baby, make her cry.
It never is a good day to die
cuz I can’t let the monsters have their way.
​
No I can’t let the monsters have their way.
No I can’t let the monsters have their way.
raise her mighty
I know you gotta better plan
than every mother owned by a man.
Oh lord you better find her.
You let her loose along the tigers.
If we be sacrificial sheep
what happened to the whole thing bout the meek?
We all became fighters
just to live be survivors.
I hope you raise her mighty.
Oh don’t let the devil take her down.
I hope you raise her mighty.
Oh God send an Angel down,
send em all around.
If you got her soul in mind
I hope you show that part of your design.
It’s enough to test my faith
how you leave the world in this sorry state.
If we’re the ones I heard we’re waiting for,
the dreams of all our mothers come before,
in a war against your rival
I hope you won’t stand by idle.
I hope you raise her mighty.
Oh don’t let the devil take her down.
I hope you raise her mighty.
Oh God send an Angel down,
send em all around
all around
all around.
​
Keep the light.
Stay alive.
Keep the light.
We survive.
Keep the light.
Stay alive.
Keep the light.
Survive and thrive.
I hope you raise her mighty.
Oh don’t let the devil take her down.
I hope you raise her mighty.
Oh God send an Angel down,
send em all around
all around
all around
all around
all around
all around.
I hope you raise her.
Mamas Will Surivive
Leave the dishes in the sink girl.
You’ve been in a world of hurt for so long.
Four dollars won’t take the needle out of red
here in LA, but it’s payday. It’s gonna be ok.
You’ve been locked up with a tiger for some time,
giving up your all just to survive.
So many damn tears on one guitar
but you sure ain’t living in a truck no more,
and mamas will survive through love.
And mamas will cry through the tough times,
but mama can take that broken heart
rebuild it bigger every time cuz
she got the best reason to be alive.
Shouldn’t gotta care if they believe you
but you do - if they only knew the truth
what it’s like to watch your baby everyday
all alone, and so scared.
That’s never gonna be ok.
You’ve been runnin through the fire for so long,
trying to protect her with your arms,
just praying something’s left for when it’s over,
praying for the strength to always hold her,
and mamas will survive through love.
And mamas will cry through the tough times,
but mama can take that broken heart
rebuild it bigger every time cuz
she got the best reason to be alive.
And mamas can cry through the tough times,
but mamas will survive through love.
And mama can take that broken heart
rebuild it bigger every time cuz
she got the best reason to be alive.
Justice Store
How comfortable are you holding the gun?
Cuz we all still profit, everyone.
Put it back in the deck.
We already know why you’re really here.
We already checked.
We know what you really fear.
Cutback here cutback there
get your ass in line at the justice store.
Twenty years later it’s all come clear.
Aint no paragon of nothing no more.
Cuz they ain’t forgot
the casa of the papa
or the proxy wars.
Children can’t pay
don’t need em til they’re grown,
pick em up pull em far from home.
How we sleep at night I don’t know.
Just another day at the justice store.
Collect your paycheck.
Don’t ask questions if you wanna get ahead.
Oh what the heck.
they’re only people’s lives, no big.
Push the paperwork -
oops guess you missed some names.
Play it by the book
of neighborhoods we bother to save.
Cuz they ain’t forgot
the casa of the papa
or the proxy wars.
Children can’t pay
don’t need em til they’re grown,
pick em up pull em far from home.
How we sleep at night I don’t know.
Just another day at the justice store.
Psychopathy by design
Whatcha think the video games
was doing all this time?
Psychopathy by design
Whatcha think the video games
was doing all this time?
Psychopathy by design
Whatcha think the video games
was doing all this time?
Psychopathy by design
Whatcha think the video games
was doing all this time?
​
But can you hear em in the night?
Can you hear em -
can you hear em -
can you hear em in the night?
Cuz they ain’t forgot
the casa of the papa
or the proxy wars.
Children can’t pay
don’t need em til they’re grown,
pick em up pull em far from home.
How we sleep at night I don’t know.
Just another day at the justice store.
​
No more.
Mama Octopus
I held the dress I wore to my chest last night,
cradled it like a baby cuz it still smelled like you.
Slept four hours then got up before the light,
but it’s all right. I was thinking of you.
My true strength emerges
as my pride and ego ebb.
I’ve had so much beaten out of me,
I don’t got much left,
but the one thing that sustains me
worth far more than gold
is a love like some will never know.
Oh I am your Mama Octopus.
I’ll give til nothings left
if that’s all I can do for you.
If I had eight arms and two more hearts
and a few hundred more ways
to keep the world from splitting us apart,
maybe I’d be closer to the life I want for us -
but I’m still your Mama Octopus.
Grounded ain’t the word,
you bring me right back down to earth.
Nothing’s ever been the same
since I met you before your birth.
​
One of the cruelest jokes,
it seems to me
to be given something perfect,
it can only be a dream,
in a world of imperfection,
the inevitable collection
of all the scars you can’t block
with just two arms
Oh I am your Mama Octopus.
I’ll give til nothings left
if that’s all I can do for you.
If I had eight arms and two more hearts
and a few hundred more ways
to keep the world from splitting us apart,
maybe I’d be closer to the life I want for us -
but I’m still your Mama Octopus.
Oh I am your Mama Octopus.
I’ll give til nothings left
if that’s all I can do for you.
If I had eight arms and two more hearts
and a few hundred more ways
to keep the world from splitting us apart,
maybe I’d be closer to the life I want for us -
but I’m still your Mama Octopus.
leave the baby with me
You must be pleased.
You bought yourself time,
but you never see
the costs of your crimes,
to us or to you personally.
You’re damned if you do
and you know it.
And you show it, that
you’re damned if you don’t, too.
And I’m just waiting,
coaxing and baiting
your chickens to all come to roost.
So here’s to the years that you don’t get,
though God knows I know you will try,
though I’m not gonna lie I’ll still probably cry
over the damage you’re doing to our girl.
And here’s to the dreams that you can’t kill
for the pleasure of watching them die.
You still don’t know who you did those things to
but, hon, I’d say you’re gonna learn.
So keep runnin from your choices if you must
but leave the baby with me.
It’s not on me
to carry your grief.
You’re can only believe
the damage you leave
ain’t yer cost for to bear for so long.
This song is a kindness
if you’d know it,
and it shows that
your soul’s on my mind,
wondering if you’ll ever
be really clever
and just friggen do the right thing.
So here’s to the years that you don’t get,
though God knows I know you will try,
though I’m not gonna lie I’ll still probably cry
over the damage you’re doing to our girl.
And here’s to the dreams that you can’t kill
for the pleasure of watching them die.
You still don’t know who you did those things to
but, hon, I’d say you’re gonna learn.
So keep runnin from your choices if you must
but leave the baby with me.
Cuz I don’t think that you know
I’ll smash the whole jar round your fist
to free us in a moment of bliss
like the kind you used to show
when I was a puddle on the floor.
You wanted more than just my body -
now I’ll watch you reap your own tears.
So here’s to the years that you don’t get,
though God knows I know you will try,
though I’m not gonna lie I’ll still probably cry
over the damage you’re doing to our girl.
And here’s to the dreams that you can’t kill
for the pleasure of watching them die.
You still don’t know who you did those things to
but, hon, I’d say you’re gonna learn.
So keep runnin from your choices if you must
but leave the baby with me.
Altadena Moment
This is an age where the gentle carry guns
and no one really trusts anyone.
Head floating among the blossoms on the tree,
I pick an orange and dream of being free.
In an Altadena moment,
in a California sunset,
the familiar sound of horse hooves
clipping softly on the pavement,
in a Altadena moment,
the California sunset’s
gleaming soft off the Bareta steel
reminding me of all I fear.
I don’t understand people who do bad things.
The loss of innocence packs a bitter sting.
The way the orange tastes fresh off the tree.
That’s how it’s gonna feel when she’s with me.
In an Altadena moment,
in a California sunset,
the familiar sound of horse hooves
clipping softly on the pavement,
in a Altadena moment,
the California sunset’s
gleaming soft off the Bareta steel
reminding me of all I fear.
I’m gonna wash my hands in orange juice.
I’m gonna find a way to put this hurt to use.
I’m gonna wash the bitter with the sweet
and when I’m done it will be complete.
In an Altadena moment,
in a California sunset,
the familiar sound of horse hooves
clipping softly on the pavement,
in a Altadena moment,
the California sunset’s
gleaming soft off the Bareta steel
conquering all my fears.